This week the Sci-Fried Eggs broadcast from Studio B at Bathurst Manor. The Eggs start by discussing the Lifetime Achievement Award of Tim Curry. Then Chuck reviews Windows 10. The Eggs bring you an interview from X-Con with Star Trek Voyager‘s Tim Russ. Chuck dishes up a new edition of Crap Chuck Found on the Internet. And the Eggs do a HeroesCon warmup with artist John Hairston Jr.
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 111, Segment 1
Tim Curry’s Lifetime Achievement Award
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 111, Segment 2
Chuck Reviews Windows 10
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 111, Segment 3
Tim Russ from X-Con
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 111, Segment 4
Crap Chuck Found on the Internet #11
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 111, Segment 5
HeroesCon Warmup: John Hairston Jr.
Dear Captain Janeway,
Well, when you got us stranded out here in the Delta Quadrant four years, nineteen days, eleven hours, and 38 minutes ago (not that I’m counting, Lt. Tuvok just happened to be passing by and he keeps up with stuff like that), I didn’t have a lot of faith in you. In fact, there were a lot of people on the ship who thought you were crazy for destroying the alien array that brought us here. And
most a lot of us still view that move as one of your worst ideas. But hey, you’re trained in Starfleet Captainry or whatever they call it, so I figured you knew what you were doing.
Now you did a great job of incorporating the Maquis into the fold here on the ship. I mean, those guys were like super pissed at you. And aside from the ones that didn’t get killed by space aliens or by our own security personnel for trying to overthrow the ship, the ones who jumped on the Voyager bandwagon have turned out pretty good. So that is certainly a point in the black for you. But I’ve been talking with
95% most a lot some of the crew, and we have some demands suggestions for the rest of our voyage home.
Now I know you’re all on this Starfleet Federation kick of let’s explore while we are out here. But seriously, isn’t most of space pretty much the same. Couldn’t we maybe just drop off some solar powered recording probes and give them a push and let them find their way back to Earth? Sort of like a reverse NASA space probe. And hey, they even had a couple probes called Voyager 1 and Voyager 2. I’ve talked to Neelix and he thinks this would be a great morale booster for the crew. He suggested that we have a big christening and launch ceremony. Voyager would live on for thousands of years as the probes make it back to Earth one by one. And then we could make better time instead of stopping off at every planet along the way to investigate.
And since we are talking about it, what’s say we quit wandering off to investigate every new race that’s out there. Sure they may have some sort of better, faster way home, but if they did, don’t you think they would have made it to the Alpha Quadrant and we’d already know about them and their faster-than-warp travel? I mean, I asked Tuvok and he said that was “sound logic.” And besides, Seven of Nine is working on Borgifying some stuff to get us home faster, so I don’t see why we have to make friends with everyone along the way. It seems kinda like we are butting our noses in. And besides, since those big alien hornets and that species that was kicking the Borg’s ass, everyone we’ve met has looked just like humans except they have weird ears or jacked up foreheads. I think we can pass on by a lot of these civilized worlds and not lose a whole lot of anything. Let’s face it, most of them are either at war with some other race, or they end up being jerks and trying to kill us like those dinosaur dudes when we told them they were dinosaurs. And if they aren’t trying to kill us or someone else, they are just plain boring and are doing stuff like buttering their bread with rocks or collecting space trash to hock at some intergalactic flea market (no offense, Neelix).
Now this is probably the biggest ongoing issue. There’s no real way to sugar-coat this one. Kathy, you put this ship in danger a lot. I mean A LOT! Maybe we could ease up off of that. There have been dozens of times we’ve had to repair this ship after sticking our phasers somewhere they didn’t belong. I think it’s high time we just minded our own business. Let’s continue this mission as if traveling through the Delta Quadrant is like driving through a really bad neighborhood at night (because if we are being honest here, that’s really what it has been like). Let’s keep our heads down, keep our warp nacelles below the radar, and scurry on through as fast and inconspicuously as we can.
Those are just some suggestions. If you’d like to talk about it, that’s cool. I’m not really doing anything since I was confined to quarters after getting repeatedly caught spray painting human anatomy and smiley faces on the bulkheads.
Most cordially yours,
Fleet Admiral (really Acting Ensign but I dream big) BatDoc
This debate has gone on long enough. Which is better? Who would win if they got into a fight? Star Trek or Star Wars? Well, like the great cases of Brown v. The Board of Education, Roe v. Wade, and Hustler Magazine v. Falwell, I’m going to follow in the footsteps of my hero William Rehnquist and give a fair and balanced look to end the debate once and for all of which is better, Star Trek or Star Wars.
In order to properly evaluate this, I’m breaking this down into several categories. Whoever wins the category will get a point and whoever has the most points at the end wins. So I guess this actually kind of follows in the footsteps of one of my other heroes, Peter Sagal, which makes this even more awesome.
Let’s start with manpower. And let’s look at who the big players are in the manpower area. In the Star Trek world, there’s the Klingons, the Romulans, the Cardassians, the Dominion, even the Maquis. Basically a lot of warrior races. In Star Wars, the biggest kid on the block is the Empire. Everyone else in the Star Wars universe is small potatoes. “But Doc, what about the Rebels?” What about the Rebels? Let’s be honest, the Rebels were more lucky than they were good at their job. And Star Trek folks, don’t even mention the Federation. They shouldn’t even bother showing up to this fight. They can sit bench with the Rebels unless we need someone to hit a two-meter target or go back in time, grab a pair of humpback whales, bring them forward in time and hope the hell they tell a probe what to go do with itself.
So if we take this in the direction of an every-race-for-themselves open space battle, then I’m pretty sure the Borg win this one hands down. They assimilate. That’s it. And they add technological and cultural distinctiveness to their own. So if they assimilate clones, yeah, it’s not looking too good. Or even worse, if they assimilated a Jedi or a Sith Lord! Can you imagine that?! Sure, I know what Star Wars fans are saying, “But, Doc, the Jedi and Sith derive their powers from a rooted belief system, not from technology or cultural cues.” That’s great, but when we are talking about assimilating technology, they only have to assimilate one Jedi or Sith and now you’ve got a bunch of Borg drones wandering around with lightsabers. If that doesn’t scare the ever-living crap out of you then you didn’t fully understood that last statement.
So while the Federation and the Rebels are warming the bench, let’s address the cute and fuzzy races as well. Tribbles or Ewoks? Sure the Ewoks have rudimentary weapons that can take down mildly-armored tanks on chicken legs.
Okay, hold on, I have to vent on something real quick. Seriously, did no one in the Empire learn anything from the battle on Hoth? Armored things precariously balanced on wobbly metal legs can clearly be easily tripped up. Anyone who’s seen Robocop defeat ED-209 knows that. If putting tanks on metal legs was a good idea, don’t you think some army in history would have done it by now? I mean, the Nazis built all kinds of ill-manner of super weapons and no one was crazy enough to even put a tank on legs into production. Seriously, Empire, take some notes from the Jawas and put all that armored assault technology on some tank tracks already!
Okay, venting over. Thanks. I needed that. Now where was I? Oh, yes, that’s right, Tribbles or Ewoks. Let’s break this down. The Ewoks live on Endor, a forest moon. From what we learn in Original Star Trek Episode #44: The Trouble with Tribbles, Dr. McCoy explains how the Tribbles eat too much and reproduce way too fast. They are “basically born pregnant” as Dr. McCoy describes it. We also learned from Mr. Scott in the episode that the Tribbles worked their way into closed compartments and started eating parts of the ships systems. That means dropping just one Tribble onto a forest moon would be like dropping a match into a barrel of gasoline-soaked dynamite. Also according to the episode, Spock points out that Tribbles produce a new generation every 12 hours. That means in just 3 days there would be a over 1.7 million Tribbles running around. Now you’ve got the Ewoks that survive off of the forest, right? That means these hungry Tribbles would eat them out of house and home in no time. The Ewoks would literally starve to death or just be buried in Tribbles. Sure, 1.7 million Tribbles on one planet doesn’t seem like a lot. But imagine this, in just 6 days, there would be over 34.5 trillion (yes, trillion with a T) Tribbles on Endor. To give you an idea of how many that is, New York City has about 8.5 million people in the Five Boroughs. That means that every single person in New York City would get over 4 million 58 thousand Tribbles. Shanghi, China, which is the most populated city on Earth with just over 24 million people, each person would get over 1.4 million Tribbles. The popular of the planet Earth is just over 7 billion, so that means everyone on Earth would get almost 5 thousand Tribbles each after just 6 days. So yeah, good freakin’ luck, Ewoks.
Manpower: Star Trek – 1, Star Wars – 0
Now a military power is only as strong as the fleet they command. And before we go any further, the difference between phaser and lasers and photon and proton torpedoes is nothing (Well, a little thing called worry-over-copyright-infringement if you want to get technical). So when it comes down to weapons and defenses, all the big players who are in the starting line-up are on a pretty level playing field. That means when we talk about fleets and military combat, the real discussion comes down to mobilization of forces.
The Empire wins this one hands down against anyone except the Borg (which we’ll get to in a minute). The Empire is comparable to the American and Japanese Fleets in the Pacific Theater during World War II. Nothing in the Star Trek universe even remotely resembles an aircraft carrier. Star Destroyers are exactly that. They are big space aircraft carriers with tons of TIE Fighters and Bombers and Interceptors and whatever other TIE things they have. Federation, Romulan, Klingon, Ferengi, Andorian, Tholian, Cardassian, even the Dominion, none of them have anything close to being able to compete with that kind of firepower and maneuverability. Even the Federation’s run-n-gun ship, the Defiant, couldn’t deal with so many targets at once. And no one has any kind of massive fleet to deal with that kind of Imperial onslaught. Any Star Trek fleet that would show up would get carved up by the death of a thousand TIE fighter lasers.
I know what you’re saying Star Trek folks, and I hear you loud and clear. And you are right, the Rebels did pull a Billy Mitchell (if you don’t know who he is, look it up). The Defiant might get lucky, but that’s about it. And there’s still a lot of targets to deal with on a Star Destroyer with a full compliment of TIE whatevers.
Really the only race in Star Trek that can compete ship-to-ship is the Borg. The Borg cubes at Wolf 359 were reported to measure about 3 kilometers across. Star Destroyers measure 1600 meters, or right at a mile. So one Borg cube is over twice as long as a single Star Destroyer. In the Battle of Wolf 359, a single Borg cube destroyed 39 of the 40 Federation ships at the battle. In the Star Trek: Voyager Episode Endgame, Seven of Nine tells Janeway that the transwarp hub nebula contained 47 Borg vessels. And in the Star Trek: Voyager Episode Hope and Fear, the dude from Species 116 talks about hundreds of Borg cubes surrounding his homeworld before its destruction. Not to mention the fact that Commander Shelby pointed out that a Borg cube could remain operative even if 78% of the cube was inoperable. Then there are transporters, so not only would the Empire be trying to attack this Cube while they are getting carved up, but there are Borg beaming onto the ship and assimilating people too! Actually, a Borg Cube going up against a couple of Star Destroyers would be a battle I’d love to see.
“But, Doc, what about the Death Star?” Oh, you mean that big planet-sized space station that literally moves at the speed of a planet. Borg got warp and transwarp. The Death Star is boned. All summed up, the Empire has the advantage over anyone except the Borg. The Borg are here to party. So since the Empire is the winner except with the Borg, I’m going to give both sides a point.
Strength of Fleet: Star Trek – 1, Star Wars – 1
Leadership is important in any space campaign. And there are lots of great leaders on both sides. But what makes a leader really great is not how nice or fair that leader is, but it’s about achieving results. The Emperor, Darth Vader, Grand Moff Tarkin…Star Wars is full of people who get things done. Sure they choke kill a lot of people along the way, but you gotta break some necks to make an omelet. That makes the Empires efficiency rating just as high as its on-the-job fatality rating. And then there are good leaders on the Rebel side as well. And then you’ve got the Jedi as leaders too. Star Wars has a pretty fair lineup in the leadership department.
Star Trek does pretty good as well, without as much ruthlessness. Kirk, Picard, Sisko, Janeway, Archer…they all get things done by following the rules when they need to and forgetting the rules when necessary. And it says a lot more about your leadership style if you are efficient and well-liked.
So I think leadership is a draw. We could get into the particulars of each leader, but really each individual style has its good and bad qualities, so everyone gets a point here.
Leadership: Star Trek – 1, Star Wars – 1
Any science fiction series is only as good as the hot babes it has in it. And I know Princess Leia in that metal bikini that they stole from Valerian and Laureline (don’t believe me, just type “Valerian and Laureline Metal Bikini” into Google images and let the George Lucas thievery begin) was the mainstay for a lot of young boys in their formative years of puberty. But aside from Princess Leia, Padme Amidala, and Jabba’s three dancers (looking at you, fiery redhead), then you’ve got to go to the cartoons and extended universe to find other women. Sure there is Ahsoka Tano (if you’re into jailbait), Mara Jade (if you’re into middle-aged girls), Aurra Sing (if you’re into criminals), Shaak Ti (if you’re into weird hair), and Asajj Ventress (if you’re into Sinead O’Conner). But that’s not a lot of options.
Star Trek on the other hand is ripe with beautiful women who are ready to get down and party. There’s Seven of Nine, Jadzia Dax (and Ezri too), Tonia Barrows, Robin Lefler, Tasha Yar (and her sister Ishara), Dr. Helen Noel, Marta, Droxine, Kelinda, Kara, Ro Laren, B’elanna Torres, Kes, Beverly Crusher, Deanna Troi, Lt. Saavik, Android Andrea, Edith Keeler, Kamala, Lt. Valeris, Dr. Elizabeth Dehner, Leeta, Vash, Dr. Carol Marcus, Gannett Brooks, Bronwyn Gail Robinson, Amanda Cole, Martha Landon, Teresa Ross, Dr. Leah Brahms, Neras, Drusilla, Brenna Odell, Nona, Maras, Dr. Selar (Suzie Plakson), Tarah (also Suzie Plakson), K’Ehleyr (Suzie Plakson again), The Female Q (just any character of Suzie Plakson’s), Janice Rand, Shahna, Tora Ziyal, Eris, D’Nesh, Seska, Sela, Vina, Gilora Rejal, Deirdre Watley, Natima Lang, Grilka, Gul Ocett, Kilana, Uhura’s Orion Starfleet Academy roommate Gaila, and that three-boobed cat woman from Star Trek V. And that’s just to name a few off the top of my head. There’s tons more. Literally every episode has a hot babe in it somewhere. Star Trek seriously mops the floor with Star Wars in the female category.
Female to Male Ratio: Star Trek – 57+, Star Wars – 8.
Well, that puts Star Trek at 60+ and Star Wars at 10. Looks like we’re pretty much done here. I think William Rehnquist and Peter Sagal would be proud.
This week the Sci-Fried Eggs broadcast from the Randy Jones Stage at the Amphitheater at Bathurst Manor. Chuck starts with a review of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Then the Eggs discuss their theories on the missing Malaysian jet. Cher has another segment of her World of Weirdness. The Eggs play Star Trek Who’s Who. And the Eggs talk about the new Amazon player.
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 50, Segment 1
Captain America: The Winter Soldier Review
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 50, Segment 2
Missing Malaysian Jet Theories
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 50, Segment 3
Cher’s World of Weirdness #3
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 50, Segment 4
Star Trek Who’s Who
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 50, Segment 5
The New Amazon Player
So I posted that babe with the Dalek picture from Doctor Who yesterday…. So I thought I would look for some hot babes with other killing machines like Terminators or Robocop. Well, the search was interesting to say the least. I’ll start you out with a hot babe who used to be an assimilation machine, Seven of Nine, the lovely Jeri Ryan!
This clip starts with our “every song is sung by Kenny Chesney” joke. Then Doc reports on a guy who spent millions of dollars several years ago turning his apartment into a replica of the inside of the starship Enterprise from the television show Star Trek is getting divorced and his ex-wife is sinking the ship. And then the crew discusses some dumb crook news.