This week the Sci-Fried Eggs broadcast live from Geek Out in Asheville, NC! The Eggs talk with Charlie Caine’s Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse author Julianne Jackson and artist Stewart Williams. Then the Eggs chat with The Walking Dead zombie actor Wallace Krebs. And Doc and Chuck round out the show chatting with the inspirational author I.R. Harris!
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 110, Segment 1
Julianne Jackson and Stewart Williams Part 1
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 110, Segment 2
Julianne Jackson and Stewart Williams Part 2
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 110, Segment 3
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 110, Segment 4
I.R. Harris Part 1
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 110, Segment 5
I.R. Harris Part 2
This week the Sci-Fried Eggs return to broadcast from Bathurst Recording Studios at Bathurst Manor. The Eggs start by discussing the latest Ghostbusters news about the new all-male cast movie. Virginia Tech is working on building a holodeck. Mars News Correspondent Chuck has some news about the mysterious Captain K. There is a new iPhone game that has the nation stumped. And Doc has a new episode of B-Movie or B-S!
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 98, Segment 1
All-Male Ghostbusters Movie Announced
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 98, Segment 2
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 98, Segment 3
Captain K’s Amazing Mars Story
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 98, Segment 4
Do Not Believe His Lies iPhone Game
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 98, Segment 5
B-Movie or B-S? #2
This week the Sci-Fried Eggs bring you another Best of the Sci-Fried Eggs for the Holidays! The Eggs look over the past year and assemble a Ladies of 2014 Calendar of some of the best and beautiful ladies the Eggs interviewed. Interviews include artist Babs Tarr, Rocky Horror actress Patricia Quinn, singer Valentine Wolfe, and writer I.R. Harris.
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 87, Segment 1
Best of the Sci-Fried Eggs: Babs Tarr
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 87, Segment 2
Best of the Sci-Fried Eggs: Patricia Quinn
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 87, Segment 3
Best of the Sci-Fried Eggs: Valentine Wolfe
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 87, Segment 4
Best of the Sci-Fried Eggs: I.R. Harris Part 1
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 87, Segment 5
Best of the Sci-Fried Eggs: I.R. Harris Part 2
Now most people will list my greatest quality as my hair. But a close second would have to be my modesty. And being modest means I have to admit that any job I would take I would be great at. However, there are some jobs I think I’d be really great at. What are the jobs that I would be really great at? Well, I’m glad you freakin’ asked!
Mall Kiosk Attendant – Being my own boss is at the top of my list of job requirements right after great pay, benefits, dental, vision, a great snack room, free coffee, and an eleven-hour work week. And I’ve also always said that if you want anything done right, you might as well do it yourself. So being a mall kiosk attendant is the best of both worlds. I’m my own boss and my own employee, which also means I’m simultaneously my favorite boss and employee, so that’s a bonus win-win. I get to keep up with my own inventory. I get to interact with people at my leisure. And there are always a lot of hot girls with little-to-no supervision at the mall, which, in the pickup artist biz, is what they call a “target rich environment.” So I’d have that going for me.
Toll Booth Operator – Being a toll booth operator shares a lot of the same advantages that being a mall kiosk attendant has. And I do like working in quaint and close quarters (the school I used to work at literally set my office up in a utility closet. No joke, the height of my office was greater than the sum of its length and width. It was like working in an elevator shaft). The shorter the interaction with people I have, the better I like it, so taking money or making change to someone who doesn’t even want to stop at my booth to begin with means I’ll be great at moving people along. I should also mention I’m wicked efficient at repetitive tasks.
Tour Guide – I know a lot of stuff about a lot of places. And I love to tell people about that stuff. Not to mention I’m one hell of a leader. And I look good in a variety of period style hats. I think tour guide is a slam dunk. Not to mention that it would get me out of the house. Historic residence, classic car garage, Civil War battle site, house of wax, Smithsonian, origami museum, I could pretty much handle anything that a tour could throw at me. And if I happen to end up as some sort of jungle tour guide, I’m well prepared. I’ve seen Romancing the Stone probably 30 times and I’ve seen Jewel of the Nile twice. Like I said, slam dunk.
Beauty Pageant Judge – One of the many talents (along with modesty) that I was gifted with is the fervent desire to look at beautiful women and judge them based on a series of competitions focused primarily on superficial criteria. This is also why I apathetically excel at judging costume contests. It’s also the reason why Doctor Who never wins a costume contest that I judge. It’s mostly because I don’t understand Doctor Who and how can I, in good conscience, choose something that I don’t understand? It’s a rhetorical question, Doctor Who fans. Don’t try to explain it to me. And granted, I don’t understand what goes on in Utah, but I can sure tell if a girl from Utah is prettier and answers questions better than 49 other girls. Actually, now that I think about it, a sexy girl Doctor Who would probably stand a good chance in a costume contest that I’m judging. Food for thought, Whovians.
Starship Captain – I’m not sure if this is a real job yet, but as soon as it becomes one, I should be on the list of first people to captain a starship. If there should be anyone responsible for 600,000 metric tons of metal cruising through space exploring planets and romancing beautiful alien women, it should be me. I’ve seen every episode of Star Trek twice now. And as long as Netflix keeps them up and I have any shred of free time, I’ll will have seen them all three times by the time this becomes a real job (unless it already is, in which case two times is gonna have to cut it). I’ve also seen Starship Troopers, Star Wars, and Galaxy Quest, so I’m pretty sure I’ve got Starship Captainry down. Not to mention that I’m well-liked and I have great hair (and don’t forget my modesty).
Lounge Singer – I’m not that great of a singer, but no one can argue that I’m a very passionate singer. That makes me perfect for singing in a lounge with drunk people who don’t particularly care about quality so much as they do showmanship. Not to mention, I look great in a suit. I will have to find someone who plays a piano because I don’t play the piano
very well that great at all.
State Representative – How hard can this job be? Seriously, I watch a fair amount of C-SPAN and it seems like all you need to be a state representative is a decent suit and the desire to sit in a fancy room and listen to other people talk about stuff only they care about. I do that all the time now, and my suits are far better than decent. So I might as well get paid well and get great benefits for all my trouble.
That’s just a start. I’m sure there are thousands more jobs I’d be really well-suited for. But my modesty will only permit me to list so many at a time.
So my blood pressure is just fine but my cholesterol is a little high? Don’t those balance each other out? Oh, they don’t? Look, I’m not a doctor like you. I don’t know these things. Is this something I should be worried about? No? Then why are you even telling me? Just so I’ll know. Gotcha. Well, thank you for letting me know about it. What? One more question. Sure. Ask away, doc. Oh, where did I get all my scars? That’s a great question. I’m glad you asked. And, yeah, I suppose they are all pretty obvious when I’m sitting here naked. Speaking of which, can I tell you about them while I’m getting dressed? Don’t get me wrong, I like a good meat freezer, but you guys are overdoing it a little here. Seriously, your air-conditioning bill must be stupid expensive. But then again, I guess you probably never turn on the heat in the winter so it all balances out. Oh, right, my scars. Sure. Well, let’s see.
I guess let’s start with the most obviously ones on my forehead. The one on the left side of my forehead was when I stopped myself with the edge of a street sign while riding my bike down a steep grade. I know it sounds terrible, but you should’ve seen the street sign. That thing was bent all to hell. And bloody! Man, was it bloody. Your forehead bleeds A LOT! What am I saying, you’re a doctor. You probably already knew that. Bet they taught you that at John Hopscotch University or wherever you went to doctor school. It’s John what? Whatever.
Anyway, this other forehead scar I got from headbutting a Stormtrooper. Yeah, a Stormtrooper. Have you ever seen Star Wars? Yeah, you know those white guys? No, the guys with the laser swords are the Jedi. And they’re called lightsabers. Yeah, they do look like they’re dressed in bath robes. But the guys in the white armor, you remember them? Yeah, those guys are Stormtroopers. How did I meet them? No, I didn’t work on the movie. I was at this comic book convention and there were a bunch of people dressed up as Stormtroopers. Yeah, it’s apparently a big thing. They have this whole 700 Club they are in. So I said to one of them, “Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?” which is a line from the movie. Well, she didn’t think it was funny. Yeah, she. Yeah, girls dress up as guys all the time at comic book conventions. I don’t judge. Anyway, she sucker punched me in the side and I headbutted her as a natural reaction. Those plastic helmet crack pretty easily from a solid headbutt, but, interestingly enough, cracked plastic is apparently really sharp. And again, foreheads bleed a lot. Yeah, the helmet protected her pretty well, but I got this forehead scar and broke my nose. Broken noses bleed a lot too. But again, you’re a doctor, so you probably already knew that. No, she didn’t get in trouble. I got kicked out of the comic book convention for causing a ruckus. She felt bad about it. We ended up dating for a while until she got into Attack on Titan cosplay and posting on Reddit. Some people are into that kind of thing, but it was just too weird for me.
This scar on my elbow is probably my favorite. I was visiting New York City and I was riding the subway. I know, you have to ride the subway if you visit New York City. Anyway, as I was getting off the subway I got pushed down by Kevin Meaney. I landed on my elbow and broke it and ended up getting a compound fracture. The bone popped right out of my arm. It was totally gross. And Kevin kept right on going. Who’s Kevin Meaney? The guy who would always say “That’s not right!” Yeah, that guy! Oh, I don’t know what he’s doing now, but a few years ago he was pushing people around the subways near Tribeca.
This scar on my index finger is from when I dropped my lucky marble down the garbage disposal. This scar near my ankle is from a deer attack. The one across my lower back is from a dessert bar fight. This one on my left side is where I got shot with an arrow at Ren Faire. The one on the back of my left knee is from a patio furniture fire. The one on my chest is from a board game night accident. I’ve got one on the top of my head where I got hit with an inflatable raft. And the one on the side of my neck is from when I got my head stuck in a hay baler.
This scar here on my upper thigh is from one of my ex-wives. The scar just above my shoulder blade is from the same ex-wife. And so is this one on my left forearm. She was clearly a stabber. I eventually had to get a gun safe for all the knives in the house. And these three small scars near my shoulder, that’s where she stabbed me with a salad fork at The Cheesecake Factory. What? Oh, yeah, it didn’t work out. We got divorced. She’s actually went to prison for lunging at the judge and stabbing a deputy with a Bic Clic Stic pen during our divorce hearing. I think she got five years. But I got a letter from the court that she’s out on good behavior, which I seriously doubt. She probably slept her way out of prison. I don’t know. I guess it’s a thing. You can sleep your way up the corporate ladder, makes sense you could sleep your way out of prison too.
You’re right, doc, I probably am lucky to be alive. Makes that high cholesterol not seem so bad. What? Oh, yeah, my pinky toe. I lost that in a snow shoveling competition.
People love attention. And people love being the center of attention. I know first hand. I used to have a slightly better than moderately rated overnight radio show. And being the center of attention can be a wonderful thing. That’s why shows like American Idol and America’s Got Talent and America’s Funniest Videos do so well. It’s literally the reason Tom Bergeron still has a job. But for all you attention hogs out there (you know who you are), there are times when being the center of attention is not the thing you want at all. In fact, it is those times that being the center of attention is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you. Let me give you some examples.
• Court – That’s right. Unless you are getting paid to be there, court is not a place where you want to be the center of attention. The judge, the bailiff, the prosecuting attorney, the defense attorney, members of the jury, head juror, courtroom artist, stenographer, even the person who wins the case, you know what all those people have in common? That’s right! They’re all getting paid to be there. And if you’re the center of attention in a courtroom and you’re not drawing some kind of paycheck, then I can guarantee that’s bad news for you.
• Anything involving the cops – Let’s say you’re selling “merchandise” out of the back of your van in a “shady” neighborhood. And let’s say you’re “meeting your sales goals for the month.” You’re the center of attention with your particular brand of “clientele.” And you’re stackin’ smackers like a brick layer, so that’s the right kind of attention. But then the Five-0 rolls up on you and “da man” gets all up in your grill and starts damaging your cool. Your “clientele” all “run away like they done stole somethin’,” so you’re not making any money anymore. So now the “law-enforcement authorities” are on the scene and you’re the center of attention because of some misunderstanding about “fencing” goods. So this quickly turns into another situation where if you’re not on the clock, then you do not want to be the center of attention.
• Explosions – There’s no questions about it, explosions are awesome. Michael Bay and any eight-year-old kid can tell you that. Whether you are blowing up Barbie dolls or G.I. Joes (if you’re an eight-year-old kid) or cars, trucks, trains, ships, buildings, aliens, robots, alien robots, pyramids, tanks, battleships, small villages, large cities, space stations, and everything else that will and won’t blow up (if you’re Michael Bay), the point here is when that fiery concussion wave of rich, black smoke and smoldering debris erupts in that split-second of destructive heavenly bliss, if you’re not getting paid to make that explosion happen, you do not want to be the center of attention. So aside from building demolition crews, fireworks display coordinators, pyrotechnicians, military bombardiers, and certain chemists, being the center of attention after any kind of explosion is not going to fair well in your favor.
• Weddings – Unless you’re the bride, being the center of attention at a wedding is going to end up as a fist fight in a church parking lot or getting shived by the bride in a crowded reception hall. Trust me, I know about both of these. So unless you are getting paid to be at that wedding, say as the minister or the DJ, or the bride (let’s face it, having someone pay for your ridiculously expensive wedding is just like printing money), then you do not want to be the center of attention. And often, the bride shiving you is only the tip of that iceberg of trouble. Wait until her brother who was in the Marines finds out and demonstrates how he can break your car windshield with his bare fist and proves he can shove you into a trash can. And then her father who is an active member of the NRA shows you his impressive bullet collection by displaying them in the side of your powder blue Kia Sorento with the already busted windshield. When they say a wedding is a bride’s day, let her have that day and, for your own well being (and the well-being of your powder blue Kia Sorento), let her be the center of attention.
I could really go on and on with scenarios, instances, and times where you don’t want to be the center of attention, but what this really boils down to is, unless you are getting paid or compensated in some way, being the center of attention is bad news. So when you find yourself in a situation where you want to be the center of attention, just ask what you are getting out of it first, and if that answer is fame or fortune (or at the very least hourly minimum wage), then, by all means, be the center of attention like a boss.
♠ The title for this essay is courtesy of Brandon Echols. If you have an essay title you’d like to suggest, email it to BatDocBlog@gmail.com. You might see your essay title in one of my books, and I’ll be sure to thank you in the book for it!
This week the Sci-Fried Eggs broadcast from the Food Court at Bathurst Manor. The Eggs start by discussing the rise of boutique theaters. Then Chuck reviews two movies, Dragonball Z: Battle of Gods and Wish I Was Here. The Eggs talk about the Union Street Guest Hotel and their odd policy and Artist and Producer Michael Gross is leading a campaign to Flip Cancer. And then the Eggs give you some back to school geek tips.
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 68, Segment 1
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 68, Segment 2
Dragonball Z: Battle of Gods and Wish I Was Here Movie Reviews
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 68, Segment 3
The Union Street Guest Hotel Policy
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 68, Segment 4
Michael Gross and Flip Cancer
Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 68, Segment 5
Back to School Geek Tips