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Sci-Fried Eggs Episode 105 #150506


sci-fried-eggs-logoThe Sci-Fried Eggs are back and they are broadcasting this week from Studio B at Bathurst Manor!  Doc starts with a review of the Hulu original series Deadbeat.  Then Doc and Chuck discuss their new show sponsor, Rocket Helo Energy Drink along with discussing 3-D printers.  Chuck reviews Patton Oswalt’s new book Zombie Spaceship Wasteland.  The Eggs review The Avengers: Age of Ultron.  And then Doc and Chuck do some catching up on stuff they missed while they were on leave.

Sci-Fried Eggs Episode 105 – Click to Listen or Download

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 105, Segment 1
The Sci-Fried Eggs Return and Deadbeat Review

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 105, Segment 2
Rocket Helo Show and 3-D Printers

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 105, Segment 3
Zombie Spaceship Wasteland Review

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 105, Segment 4
Avengers: Age of Ultron Review

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 105, Segment 5
Catching Up on Things

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How I Got These Scars


So my blood pressure is just fine but my cholesterol is a little high?  Don’t those balance each other out?  Oh, they don’t?  Look, I’m not a doctor like you.  I don’t know these things.  Is this something I should be worried about?  No?  Then why are you even telling me?  Just so I’ll know.  Gotcha.  Well, thank you for letting me know about it.  What?  One more question.  Sure.  Ask away, doc.  Oh, where did I get all my scars?  That’s a great question.  I’m glad you asked.  And, yeah, I suppose they are all pretty obvious when I’m sitting here naked.  Speaking of which, can I tell you about them while I’m getting dressed?  Don’t get me wrong, I like a good meat freezer, but you guys are overdoing it a little here.  Seriously, your air-conditioning bill must be stupid expensive.  But then again, I guess you probably never turn on the heat in the winter so it all balances out.  Oh, right, my scars.  Sure.  Well, let’s see.

I guess let’s start with the most obviously ones on my forehead.  The one on the left side of my forehead was when I stopped myself with the edge of a street sign while riding my bike down a steep grade.  I know it sounds terrible, but you should’ve seen the street sign.  That thing was bent all to hell.  And bloody!  Man, was it bloody.  Your forehead bleeds A LOT!  What am I saying, you’re a doctor.  You probably already knew that.  Bet they taught you that at John Hopscotch University or wherever you went to doctor school.  It’s John what?  Whatever.

Anyway, this other forehead scar I got from headbutting a Stormtrooper.  Yeah, a Stormtrooper.  Have you ever seen Star Wars?  Yeah, you know those white guys?  No, the guys with the laser swords are the Jedi.  And they’re called lightsabers.  Yeah, they do look like they’re dressed in bath robes.  But the guys in the white armor, you remember them?  Yeah, those guys are Stormtroopers.  How did I meet them?  No, I didn’t work on the movie.  I was at this comic book convention and there were a bunch of people dressed up as Stormtroopers.  Yeah, it’s apparently a big thing.  They have this whole 700 Club they are in.  So I said to one of them, “Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?” which is a line from the movie.  Well, she didn’t think it was funny.  Yeah, she.  Yeah, girls dress up as guys all the time at comic book conventions.  I don’t judge.  Anyway, she sucker punched me in the side and I headbutted her as a natural reaction.  Those plastic helmet crack pretty easily from a solid headbutt, but, interestingly enough, cracked plastic is apparently really sharp.  And again, foreheads bleed a lot.  Yeah, the helmet protected her pretty well, but I got this forehead scar and broke my nose.  Broken noses bleed a lot too.  But again, you’re a doctor, so you probably already knew that.  No, she didn’t get in trouble.  I got kicked out of the comic book convention for causing a ruckus.  She felt bad about it.  We ended up dating for a while until she got into Attack on Titan cosplay and posting on Reddit.  Some people are into that kind of thing, but it was just too weird for me.

This scar on my elbow is probably my favorite.  I was visiting New York City and I was riding the subway.  I know, you have to ride the subway if you visit New York City.  Anyway, as I was getting off the subway I got pushed down by Kevin Meaney.  I landed on my elbow and broke it and ended up getting a compound fracture.  The bone popped right out of my arm.  It was totally gross.  And Kevin kept right on going.  Who’s Kevin Meaney?  The guy who would always say “That’s not right!”  Yeah, that guy!  Oh, I don’t know what he’s doing now, but a few years ago he was pushing people around the subways near Tribeca.

This scar on my index finger is from when I dropped my lucky marble down the garbage disposal.  This scar near my ankle is from a deer attack.  The one across my lower back is from a dessert bar fight.  This one on my left side is where I got shot with an arrow at Ren Faire.  The one on the back of my left knee is from a patio furniture fire.  The one on my chest is from a board game night accident.  I’ve got one on the top of my head where I got hit with an inflatable raft.  And the one on the side of my neck is from when I got my head stuck in a hay baler.

This scar here on my upper thigh is from one of my ex-wives.  The scar just above my shoulder blade is from the same ex-wife.  And so is this one on my left forearm.  She was clearly a stabber.  I eventually had to get a gun safe for all the knives in the house.  And these three small scars near my shoulder, that’s where she stabbed me with a salad fork at The Cheesecake Factory.  What?  Oh, yeah, it didn’t work out.  We got divorced.  She’s actually went to prison for lunging at the judge and stabbing a deputy with a Bic Clic Stic pen during our divorce hearing.  I think she got five years.  But I got a letter from the court that she’s out on good behavior, which I seriously doubt.  She probably slept her way out of prison.  I don’t know.  I guess it’s a thing.  You can sleep your way up the corporate ladder, makes sense you could sleep your way out of prison too.

You’re right, doc, I probably am lucky to be alive.  Makes that high cholesterol not seem so bad.  What?  Oh, yeah, my pinky toe.  I lost that in a snow shoveling competition.

 

Why You’re Going to Wish You Were My Date Next Year on Valentine’s Day


I’ve already decided that next year I’m going to totally rock out Valentine’s Day harder than anyone else.  I wrote it down in my New Year’s resolutions, and I fully plan to make good on that.  And seeing as how most of my other resolutions (I make a lot of resolutions) haven’t gone so well, this is a great time to settle the score with my overactive resolution-making self and put a point on the board.  And a score of 1 and 334 is better than zero and 335 (I said I make a lot of resolutions).

So how am I going to totally rock out Valentine’s Day harder than anyone else?  Well, I haven’t quite got that far in my planning yet.  But I’ve got a lot of ideas I’ve been jotting down on post-it notes, cocktail napkins, and on the back of Aldi receipts.  What are some of the awesome ideas I’ve got?  Well, I’m not going to ruin all the magic (or give all the guys out there my entire, completely badass, awesome, guaranteed-panty-dropping plan), but I will give all the lovely ladies out there a glimpse of the awesomeness that will be being my date for Valentine’s Day next year.

First off, I hope you have something classy in the red color family to wear, because I’ve got a sweet red suit!  I actually bought the suit like four years ago on clearance at K-Mart.  I can remember when I saw it, I thought to myself, “One day I’m going to need this sweet red suit.”  And next year on Valentine’s Day is going to be that day!  It is the classiest, most dope, red suit ever.  It’s this deep red color with black piping all around the edges.  It’s got matching red pants and a matching double-breasted red vest.  The guy working the register at K-Mart said he bought the blue version and assured me that this was the kind of suit that looked great on a hot college girl’s dorm room floor.  And for just $18 on clearance, that makes it literally the perfect suit for this epic occasion.

Now I’m sure there will be some flowers involved.  There will be a great dinner at a fancy restaurant like Cracker Barrel (seriously, who doesn’t like Cracker Barrel?  And if you don’t like Cracker Barrel then, honestly, you’re not really the right speed to be my date for Valentine’s Day).  And there might even be some romantic music if I can find my best of Hi Tek 3 cassette tape.

But one thing there will be a lot of, and you can count on this one, is chocolate!  I mean a lot of chocolate!  Don’t even think I’m bluffing either because when I say a lot of chocolate, I mean like Willy-Wonka-factory-chocolate-river a lot! I’ve been buying up chocolate at after Easter sales, after Halloween sales, and after Valentine’s Day sales for the past few years.  I had to buy a whole other refrigerator for 35 bucks off of Craigslists and run an extension cord onto my front porch to store all the chocolate I’ve been collecting.  I’ve been carrying a book bag so that when I’m anywhere there is free chocolate, (like at a doctor’s office or a kid’s birthday party) I can load that book bag up!  And that fridge on my front porch is almost full of chocolate!  It’s actually getting hard to close the door the thing is so damn full.   And ladies, the only two words you need to know are–CHOCOLATE JACUZZI!  It’s okay, I too just got a little teary-eyed/aroused/hungry just typing those two words together.

So I hope all of you, especially the ladies (you know who you are), are ready for 2.14 because it is going to be the end-all-be-all of Valentine’s Days!  Don’t you like how I wrote the date like that, 2.14, like big/action-packed/crappy movies do it.  I had to write it like that because you all need to understand just how big/action-packed/not-even-crappy I’m going to make the next Valentine’s Day.  So don’t forget–wait, why am I even saying that?  You’re not going to forget.  Not with all the advertising I’m buying on the CW.

Sci-Fried Eggs Episode 61 #140702


sci-fried-eggs-logoThis week the Sci-Fried Eggs broadcast from the Smoking Porch of Bathurst Manor.  Chuck and Cher start the show by discussing news on the newest season of Doctor Who.  Then the Eggs discuss the viral video Look Up and a response video called Look Down.  There is a World of Warcraft gamer who reached the top level by being an herb farmer.  The Eggs share an interview with artist Keith W. Cunningham from HeroesCon.  And Chuck steps up to the plate to try and win Doc over with another segment of Crap Chuck Found on the Internet!

Sci-Fried Eggs Episode 61 – Click to Listen or Download

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 61, Segment 1
Doctor Who Season 8 Teaser News

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 61, Segment 2
Look Up vs. Look Down

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 61, Segment 3
W.O.W. Level 90 Herb Expert

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 61, Segment 4
Keith W. Cunningham from HeroesCon

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 61, Segment 5
Crap Chuck Found on the Internet #4

 

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Sci-Fried Eggs Episode 60 #140625


sci-fried-eggs-logoThis week the Sci-Fried Eggs broadcast live from HeroesCon in Charlotte, NC.  The Eggs talk to artist Babs Tarr and artwork with Bosozoku.  Then Shige Kobayashi tells the Eggs about Frank Comics and their Pinups Custom Art Badges.  Noah Van Sciver talks about Blammo and Youth is Wasted.  Then Batwoman and Bad Karma artist and writer Jeremy Haun chats with the Eggs and answers The Half Dozen!

Sci-Fried Eggs Episode 60 – Click to Listen or Download

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 60, Segment 1
Babs Tarr

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 60, Segment 2
Shige Kobayashi with Frank Comics and Pinups Custom Art Badges

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 60, Segment 3
Noah Van Sciver

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 60, Segment 4
Jeremy Haun Part 1

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 60, Segment 5
Jeremy Haun Part 2

 

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I Want to be Able to Morph Into a Bear


I thought about it a lot and I’ve made a decision.  I want to be able to morph into a bear.  I think the advantages of having a readily-available ursine form far outweighs the disadvantages.

Now since I know some of the people out there (most) think I’ll use this new-found power for evil, let me assure you that won’t be the case all the time.  I read half of the first two books of the Animorphs (which is like reading one whole book) and I know what kind of responsibility comes with being able to morph into an animal form.  And if my powers are like the Animorphs and I have to touch a bear to morph into it, I’ve got that covered because I was tackled and almost mauled by wrestled a bear once.

There are some disadvantages to morphing into a bear.  Being too big to fit into places, like photo booths, small closets, and the trunk of a car.  Then there is having to duck or crouch to go through doors.  I know what you’re thinking.  Why not just walk around on all four legs?  I’m not an animal; I can just morph into one.  Be reasonable.  Elevators I’m sure would pose an issue while in bear form, both in regards to fitting inside the elevator and also there is the weight issue (elevators can only lift so much I’m told).  Then there is the same disadvantage the Incredible Hulk had–ripping my clothing.  Most bears don’t care whether or not they wear clothing.  But as I said before, I’m not an animal.  I’m just morphing into one.  So I would want to make sure I was the best dressed bear around.  I think a tuxedo is kind of overkill.  But I would at least want to wear a nice suit.  I would imagine being a bear would cause quite a lot of chaos and generic panicky behavior with the general public (even if it is a bear wearing a nice suit), so I might have to bite the bullet and finally move to the suburbs.

But for the handful of disadvantages (which I really just consider more inconveniences than true disadvantages), there are a lot of advantages of being able to morph into a bear.  One of the immediately great things is I wouldn’t be able to fit into wooden caskets, abandon refrigerators, or the trunk of a car.  I could totally push buses over onto kids and then lift said buses off of said kids.  I would be totes huggable (ladies, looking at you).  I could use the word “totes” and no one would make fun of me.  For that matter, I could say pretty much whatever I wanted (seriously, who is going to argue with a twelve-hundred-pound bear?).  I could easily carve my name into picnic tables or tree trunks with my awesome claws.  I’d get to drive some sort of specially designed bear van that could accommodate my increased weight and height.  I would pull people’s arms out of their sockets when I lost at board games just so people would mention it midway through the game and my friend Brian who does a great C3P0 impression could say, “New tactic: let the bear win” (I don’t know if getting to hang out with Brian more is an advantage or not.  He does a really great C3P0 impression, but the rest of his impressions are terrible).

Then there are the advantages that are only afforded to bears.  Scratching my back on a tree without being judged.  Taking a dump in the woods without being judged.  Eating out of a dumpster without being judged.  Pawing food out of a jar with my hands and not being judged.  Mauling annoying children (judgment varies).  Stealing picnic baskets (#ProBearBaller).  And the list really goes on and on.

So now it’s just up to science or magic or some act of a god to give me the power to morph into a bear.  But of those three, I don’t really want it to be science.  I don’t want other people being able to morph into bears.  That would take all the fun out of it, like if everyone got bit by radioactive spiders and got Spider-Man powers.  And bear morphing being some act of god means I would probably be indebted to that god, and that’s never any fun.  So I kind of hope it’s magic, unless it’s a science fluke (which is kind of the same thing as magic).  I guess that means I should start hanging out around more sketchy bear science labs or places where they have magic, like Wicca coffee houses or New Orleans or kids birthday parties.  In any case, weekend planned.

Sci-Fried Eggs Episode 59 #140618


sci-fried-eggs-logoThis week the Sci-Fried Eggs broadcast live from the Picnic Area at Bathurst Manor!  Doc is out of town and so Chuck and Cher take the reins of the show.  The Eggs start by discussing the downtrend in the paranormal and ghost hunting shows.  Chuck has a review of X-Men: Days of Future Past.  The Eggs give you a HeroesCon warmup with and interview with Mike and Ming from Comic Book Men.  And Chuck and Cher provide a Geek Out review and a HeroesCon lineup preview.

Sci-Fried Eggs Episode 59 – Click to Listen or Download

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 59, Segment 1
The Downtrend of the Popular Paranormal

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 59, Segment 2
X-Men: Days of Future Past Review

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 59, Segment 3
Comic Book Men Mike and Ming Part 1

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 59, Segment 4
Comic Book Men Mike and Ming Part 2

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 59, Segment 5
Geek Out Review and HeroesCon Preview

 

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Sci-Fried Eggs Episode 53 #140507


sci-fried-eggs-logoThis week the Sci-Fried Eggs broadcast from the graphic novels section of the library of Bathurst Manor.  The Eggs talk about Free Comic Book Day and the upcoming death of Wolverine.  Then the Eggs discuss undelivered technological advances we were promised and how technology is influencing and changing education.  Chuck gives a review of The Amazing Spider-Man 2.  And the Eggs talk about Star Wars VII casting and the new Disney canon.

Sci-Fried Eggs Episode 53 – Click to Listen or Download

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 53, Segment 1
Free Comic Book Day and the Death of Wolverine

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 53, Segment 2
Undelivered Technology We Were Promised

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 53, Segment 3
Technology and Education

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 53, Segment 4
Chuck’s Review of The Amazing Spider-Man 2

Sci-Fried Eggs: Episode 53, Segment 5
Star Wars VII Casting and the New Disney Canon

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The Honeypot #140314


black and white couch

Super sexy classic casting couch pin-up.

Quote of the Day #140303


“Danica Patrick?  Bull shit.  There’s only one female driver in my book!  Shirley Muldowney!  And sometimes Patty Moise, depending on how I’m feeling.”

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