Why Robocop is a Better Movie Than The Departed
I’ve been hearing a lot of people go on and on about how great a movie The Departed is. And I always ask these loud and obnoxious people if they have seen the movie Robocop. Most of them say no. And I proceed to tell them how Robocop is a much better movie than The Departed. Usually about 12 to 16 seconds into my dissertation about the awesomeness of Robocop, someone starts to argue back, a punch gets thrown, and then a full-on fight breaks out. And because I’m tired of dodging punches from half-drunk women and their husbands, I’m going to just explain why Robocop is a better movie than The Departed and just print some slips of paper with the link on it to hand out.
Now I’ve never seen The Departed. But I’ve heard a lot of people talk about it and I’ve got the general gist of it. And I can tell you that Robocop is a way better movie. I mean, let’s face it, no matter what the storyline of The Departed is, a man getting turned into a bullet-proof, badass, law-enforcement machine is way more awesome. Not to mention Robocop is directed by Paul Verhoeven, the same guy who brought you Starship Troopers (need I really list anymore), Total Recall (the original one with Mars in it, not the crappy remake), Basic Instinct (again, need I list more), Hollow Man (with Kevin Bacon and that hot babysitter from Adventures in Babysitting who also played Marty McFly’s girlfriend in BTTF2), and Showgirls (with Jessie Spano from Saved by the Bell)! I’m not even sure who directed The Departed. But I can guarantee you whoever it was, they don’t have that freaking impressive list of directorial credits. But the superior director of Robocop is just one nail in the coffin of The Departed.
If I could eloquently describe Robocop in two sentences, it would probably be these two sentences from a many-page posting which I only read the first six paragraphs of before I found two back-to-back suitably eloquent sentences about the film:
“Robocop is perfectly ‘postmodern’ — a panic film suffused with a sense of crisis precipitated by our rapid entrance into the brave new world of simulation, media, and high-technology. Stylistically, Robocop could also be identified as postmodern in its pastiche nature which implodes and combines numerous film genres (romance, sci-fi, detective, horror, revenge, the western, etc.).”
You know what that says to me?! That’s right! This film has everything! It’s a perfect film (well at least from 1987 until 1997 when Starship Troopers came out). I seriously doubt The Departed has been so well lauded by someone on the Internet. And even if it has, I’m sure it’s by someone who hasn’t seen Robocop.
But a stellar on-line review and an amazing director aren’t the only things that make Robocop nineteen times (rough estimate, probably a little low now that I think about it) the movie that The Departed is. There’s an all-star cast: Peter Weller (because Peter Weller), Kurtwood Smith (and any movie with Red Foreman is a great movie), Nancy Allen (super hot), Ronnie (freakin’) Cox, and Dan O’Herlihy (as Daniel O’Herlihy). Literally a star-studded cast! Even stunt woman Donna Keegan is in the film! She’s the lady who did all the stunts for Kate Capshaw in Temple of Doom! And who does The Departed have in it? I’m not even sure because I haven’t even seen the film. But I know it can’t compare to the amazing cast of Robocop.
On top of that, there is cool shoot outs. There’s police cars crashing. There’s dinosaurs (seriously, watch the movie). There’s T.J. Lazer! It’s like if the middle 41 minutes of Tombstone, the last 38 minutes of The Blues Brothers, and the last half of Jurassic Park drank too much Tron and made some bad decision and had a kid. And that kid was a law-enforcement cyborg! That’s how awesome this movie is. I don’t even know what The Departed is a mix of (because, again, I haven’t seen it), but from my vague understanding it’s like if Beverly Hills Cop 3 was in an abusive relationship with Fever Pitch and Fever Pitch had a scandalous affair with Married to the Mob.
I could go on for hours about all the awesome stuff in Robocop that I’m sure The Departed doesn’t have (the ED-209 and lots of Police Turbo Cruisers come to mind), but I think I’ve done a great job of proving my point. I assume it’s pretty clear that The Departed isn’t even in the same league as Robocop. And if you don’t agree, then maybe you should seriously watch Robocop again and give it a second chance before you start a bar fight over a movie you like that I’ve just heard a lot about but never seen.
Posted on June 30, 2014, in A BatDoc Original, Original Series, Short Essays and tagged 2, 209, 3, a, adventures, allen, babysitting, back, bacon, bar, basic, batdoc, bell, better, beverly, blog, blues, brothers, by, capshaw, comedy, cop, cox, cruiser, dan, departed, dinosaurs, doc, donna, doom, ed, essay, fever, fight, foreman, funny, future, hills, hollow, humor, in, Indiana, instinct, is, j, jessie, Jones, jurassic, kate, keegan, kevin, kid, kurtwood, laugh, lazer, man, married, mars, marty, mcfly, mob, movie, nancy, nineteen, o'herlihy, of, original, park, paul, perfect, peter, pitch, police, postmodern, recall, red, Robocop, ronnie, saved, series, short, showgirls, smith, spano, starship, t, temple, than, the, times, to, tombstone, total, tron, troopers, turbo, verhoeven, weller, why. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.